*I was thinking of something righteous to post as I was sitting on my mom's computer waiting for the blogger screen to load. Something that would explain my own personal solitude when I happened to take a real gander at something my four year old son had brought in to the room for me to look at. You know you do it too, so don't scoff at me. Your kid brings in something for you to look at it and you look at it without the faintest hint of actually looking at it. I wonder what kids really think when we do that? Is it something they will throw back in our faces years from now when they're frothing at the jaws of hatred and angst toward us. Possibly.
*If my son, however, doesn't bring up the fact that I did not readily pay attention to this Peek-a-boo petites Barbie crap he brought in for me to look at, I think I'll be at peace with that. Or think its hilarious when he does...
*Anyway, it was something he found while scrounging around my mother's house today. It was my niece's/his cousin's though it's from 2008 and I have no idea why its still floating around the place. It's one of those inserts that they put in with toys, showing you all the other little bullshit your child can sit and drool over and whine and beg and moan over. It's for these little minature Barbies and while I was noting how few little petite Barbies of ethnicity they're seem to be, I came upon a row of five that suddenly filled me with dread. They have such fanciful names as True Love Laura, Beautiful Bride Becky, Li'l Bride Lacy, Blushing Bride Blaise (how the freak do you pronounce that?) and Wedding Day Delia. By the end of the row I was like, "Ew, no!" It really freaked my shit out.
*What the freak are we teaching little girls? Blushing Bride Blaise? Fuck Blushing Bride Blaise! You will be timid and meek and always lovely and especially on your wedding day, you will be blushing. Screw you, you pieces of crap! Why don't they make groom dolls for boys? What? They would hate that? They would be like, "Ew, gross." What the freak is this crap?! Whhhyyy?
*I had to take a second and wonder why I was freaking out slightly. Was it because my own wedding day quite possibly won't be so "blushing" or fantastically fairytalish? That quite possibly it might be lame, at a courthouse, without the dress I want and marrying someone, I'm not even quite sure I want to marry and watch nose hair begin to sprout out of his nose as he grows older? In my head I try to manuever the pieces around to try and see it in a better light, on a bright side, on how my life was supposed to be. But there's no moving these things. And even as I try to push away, I'm terrifed of being Wedding Day Delia.
*Is it wrong of me to want to push against everything that most women my age paw and scratch and claw at to get to? To that fabled wedding day, to that fabled marriage, to that fabled altar.
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