*I can't help but feel a twing of regret for having come back to the house. I feel almost as though I was on the verge of a new current in my life and the moment it got a little rough I cut and ran. I kept telling myself that this was something I would have to do alone, since I've managed to alienate everyone I used to know. But doing it on my own, with no guidance, no reassurance, no one to drink a beer with is difficult.
*I'm pretty sure that I've done irreversible damage to the relationship and that there is no going back. Which perhaps is a good thing. I don't know. I feel like I care less now, so things that would have stopped me don't seem so formidable now. Like my fiance being weird about my friends or locking me out of the house if I stay out with them or making me nervous even to talk on the phone with them. Is this the way a person is supposed to feel in a serious relationship? I'm almost thirty and I feel like a trapped little mouse scared of everyone and everything. Tell me life is not supposed to be this way...or is this as good as it gets.
*You know I keep telling myself, family first, family first, family first. I sorta miss my friends though...just a little...its been a long time though. Very long.
"Even the things that stay still...are still...changing..."--Ben Folds
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