*I've gone home, where ever that is, right now. I've left my mother's house and went back to the home that I share with my fiance and the children. Does this make me happier? Slightly. Does this fix the problems? Not really. I implored to my fiance that the drinking, the excessive drinking, has to end and yet now I've become somewhat convinced that now he's just trying to hide it from me. I don't know if losing me completely has soaked in to his brain. It seems to have not. I'm trying to understand my motives for coming back home, a moment of weakness, I suppose. I was struck with the thought yesterday that honestly, the week that I had been gone I hadn't really missed him at all. That's a strange thought.
*I want someone to fight over me. Is that too much to ask? I'm not talking swords and daggers and a fight to the death, really because there's no one else fighting or wanting to be with me--but I'm just talking about effort. Make the goddamn effort to show how miserable you would be without me. I mean, besides letting the house go to shits, I don't think that qualifies as showing me how much you care. I don't know...maybe I'm a cold, heartless bitch. Not, maybe...this whole week has pretty much certified that for me. Sign sealed and delievered...cold heartless beotch...I'm yours.
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